so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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