we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
