So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
