i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
