I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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