So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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