I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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