I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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