Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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