Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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