i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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