if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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