Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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