TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
