You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
