And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
