Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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