If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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