She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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