just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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