I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
