I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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