oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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