I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize