and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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