thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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