Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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