we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
