also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
