after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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