This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
