apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
