What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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