I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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