I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
