I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
