On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
