My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
