he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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