Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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