i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
