Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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