Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
