I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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