I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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