woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
