If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
