I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
