the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found puke in my bra..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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