I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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