just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
