I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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