I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
