someone get that fucking seahorse.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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