chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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