Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize