I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
