I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
