The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
