brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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