he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
