he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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