It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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