The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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