That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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