So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize