Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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