I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
