what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize