My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
