im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
