I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
