FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
