Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
