just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
